My Secret Life- stories about living with Trich

Living with trich by Stephen, 16 from Texas

April 10th, 2009

Hello to everyone reading this, my name is Stephen. I’m 16 years old and i have Trichotillomania. I have learned a great deal of things from having this, you find out who your real friends are. And then you find out things, not so great..
Hmm, i guess i will start out with “how i got it” but the truth is, i don’t really know. My parents said some jelly got stuck in my hair when i was little, and when i tried to get it out it pulled out some of my hair with it. And then i wouldn’t stop pulling my hair from then on. My parents tell me that same story every time i ask, but i still think its nonsense.
The troubles i had before finding help are quite simple. I remember being in the car (maybe around age 3-5) and my head was itching really bad. I didn’t have pulled if i didn’t find this little block shaped like a diamond. So, i picked it up and proceeded to scratch it against my head back and forth in the same spot. And after five minutes i was digging so hard, that my head started to bleed. I know y’all are thinking thats horrible, but at the time. I totally couldn’t help it.
Another thing, i don’t know why, but i remember the day before school started, third grade to be exact. Around 10 p.m., I was crying my eyes out, my parents came in saying “whats wrong?!” and i replied, “i have no hair! Everyone’s gonna make fun of me..” and i remember going on and on about that subject for 30 minutes, they finally calmed me down a little bit but i told them i was going to wear a hat to school tomorrow. Well the next day came, and as i entered the building my heart shattered. I was by myself and very nervous. And then i realized.. I didn’t have my hat. I stood up against a wall, pressing my head against it in hopes that no one would see me. Well as the final bell rang i was still there against the wall. Then the assistant principal came by and asked why i wasn’t in class, i don’t know what i said. But i do remember her taking me to class, and everyone stared at me. The only thing i could think of was to cover my head with my hands, and i did that the WHOLE class period! Although it was really obvious i was bald. And for the rest of the year i wore that hat no matter what, no one would make me take it off, until with countless people over it, and i would hide myself in my shirt and refused to be social.
Well that year seemed fine besides that one incident, until i heard the worst comment from someone. I was coming out of the bathroom. and i went to go wash my hands when this girl confronted me and said “why don’t you just get a wig?!” it was just so sudden and in my face.. all i could do was cry. I ran off to my teacher and the teacher made her apologize to me and even with the apology, it still hurts.
Now lets fast forward a little bit to my first time meeting a psychiatrist. Everything went well, he did his observations and everything. That’s the first time we really learned it was trichotillomania. He gave me some meds, and everything sounded like it would be okay, but it wasn’t. I remember being at school, and it was a great day, until the end. He told my friend next to me, “do you see that?!” and pointed near a light in the library room. he replied “no, what is it?” and i said “its god!
you can’t see him?” and i had no idea i was hallucinating, but i was. and it got worse when i was on the bus with my cousin. i would get these thoughts in my head from the devil saying specific things aimed towards my cousin. and i told him and it was just creepy i didn’t know what to do. i told my parents and when they confronted my psychiatrist through phone call. he didn’t answer, and he never did. they also said he left his job. so i don’t know what to think about all of that.
The 2nd person i saw was a psychologist. around 6th grade, she was a nice lady, and she gave me helpful ways of preventing hair pulling; like filling out charts, wearing gloves, bandaids, stress balls, etc. but all those last for so long till i started pulling again. my bandaids would make my fingers sweat, so i took them off. then hours later i would pull again. i was never allowed to wear gloves in school. so those didn’t help. and when i lost my stress ball, it was just game over. and after many visits to my psychologist she finally gave up on me. she told my parents they were paying her for nothing and if i was really going to stop i had to do it on my own. and that was that. From then on i haven’t yet found anything to help me from pulling my hair.

My advice to anyone out there, who has this, or knows someone who does. don’t give up, meet that one person you know can challenge you. and get them to help you through it together. don’t let trichotillomania win. you have trich, trich does not have you. My motivation is my mother, Susan. She told me “son,.. i would love to see you with a full head of hair someday” and all i could tell her was “you will, mom. i swear” and i’m going to keep that promise. And i’ll let you know that was
horrible to hear at the time, but it really motivated me. Just find that one person who will challenge you, and you will win.

Entry Filed under: Trich doesn't have me- Stephen 16